Thursday, February 09, 2006

Deadpan Conversations: The Shop Comes To Me

Scene: My front door, being answered by me wearing, for reasons that are too convoluted to go into at the present time, a shirt and a pair of shorts, with a knee. that is bleeding down my leg. There stands before me a man holding my delivery takeaway.

Man Holding My Takeaway: Here you go.
Me: Thank you. How much was it?
MHMT: You should have told me that Wilberforce Rd is blocked from one end. £6.75 please.
Me: Oh. I'm sorry. Here you go.
MHMT: You should have told me. I've a lot of deliveries to make; it's a busy night.
Me: I'm sorry.
MHMT: You should have told me.
Me: I'm sorry. I don't drive, y'see.
MHMT: [backing away towards his car] You should have told me...

Nice food though. Curry Club. Tottenham Rd. Crouch End. Just make sure your directions are up to scratch, y'hear?

An excitable tutor came in today, and told me that they had a student on one of the undergraduate courses called 'Bugs Bunny'. I took this in my stride, as I am a keen idle tapper-into-databases of rude/funny words to see what comes up. My own personal favourites have been a student whose surname was 'Moneybum' and a student whose middle name was 'Muvvafuk'. And there it was, on the computer screen in front of me. The student, if student it really is, is apparently due to be on the undergraduate Media Studies course. Ah, 'Mickey Mouse' course. I geddit. Someone's still going to be sacked for inventing students, though.

There are two students called 'Wankey', though. Ah, databases. You satisfy my basest desires. If only you could be taught to love.


  1. Sorry for commenting a post or two late again, but aren't Rotherham United going bust anyway. A totaliser to raise money to help run them out of business is just cruelty heaped upon viciousness.

    And, on a tangent, assuming that Rotherham's results will be wiped from the league tables if they do go bust, I wonder how many Premiership clubs would have to go under to stop Chelsea winning the title? All but Middlesborough and Man Utd, I suspect.
    There's hours of fun with a spreadsheet for you there Jimpy...

  2. Curry Club are great. My flatmate got a Christmas card from them last year because she uses them so much. The men who deliver seem to be scared of our doorbell and just whistle up to us when they arrive instead. Hmmm.