Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Triple Deapan Conversation Bonus Bundle

Yep, it's three deadpan conversations for you, reader.


Scene: Outside my house. I am opening my bin shed to put my bike in. A father and child pass by.

Child: [Amazed voice] Do you live in there?
Me: Yes. Not in the bin shed though!
Father: He asks too many questions.


Scene: Outside work, I meet the postman. You could tell he is a postman without already knowing that he is, because he wears shorts in all weather.

Postman: Hi.
Me: Hi.
P: You're Catherine's boyfriend, right?
Me: No, I don't think so.
P: Oh.
Me: It's Chris you're thinking of.
P: Oh right. He's the big lad?
Me: Erm.
P: Wears a hat?
Me: That's Ian. Chris works upstairs. He's about my height. Dark hair.
P: Spiky hair? Cycles? Wears a green jumper?
Me: Yes, that's him.
P: Oh yes, the Geordie. I know him.
Me: No, that's not him.


Scene: A football stadium in Stevenage. Running late owing to cancelled trains and a lack of ticket machines at Finsbury Park, I hurry along towards the turnstiles, but hear a loud roar indicating that we've scored. Damn.

Me: 1 adult, please.
Turnstile Woman: That's £12 please.
Me: Thanks. I don't get a discount for missing a goal then?
TW: No. I ought to charge you more for not being here on time.

Anyone know what the best 70 minutes of music released during 2007 were? If you can compile it onto a cd and send it to me, it will save me considerable efforts. I've already wasted far too much time comparing Devandra Banhart tracks from his recent album without coming to any conclusion. Cheers.

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