I am away from my desk

Right. I'm buggering off on holiday, so my rarely updated blog will languish once more like the homepage of a Buffy fanatic in some cobwebbed corner of the internet for a bit longer.

I did the funnest thing that you can do at work without punching someone or stealing stationery - I set my out of office message. Even typing 'out of office' gives me a watered-down secondary thrill. Typing it again just made me sad, so I won't be typing it again for a while. Anyway, I got a bit carried away, and rather than the standard text that says something like 'I will not be reading my emails for a while', I wanted to really rub it in, and say that I would be away from my office and unable to read my mail, but such was my giddy excitement that I ended up with:

I will not be away from the office and unable to read my mail until my return on 21st June.

I realised this when I got the message back from myself, but not before some sarcastic bugger had emailed me. I had to tell him that I'd not not noticed it, and wouldn't be unchanging it. This didn't stop me enjoying my out of office message - it just made it all the sweeter.

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Damn. I've just remembered the first rule of writing: know your audience. If I know you at all, it's because you're the slack office-bound, desperate for escape from emails that read 'for your soonest attention' and end in 'best regards', and who long not to be reminded of the drudgery that overwhelms them for eight hours a day.

Oh well, I'm on holiday. Ha!

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In other news, I've had to abandon my dream of owning a pub called the Tequila Mockingbird, because I've seen the pun used too many times now. Chastened, I've decided to put my talents to more altruistic ends, and I'm going to open up the country's first fair-trade kitchen appliances shop. I'm going to call it For The Grater Good.