Thursday, October 13, 2005

Virtual Naffness

[Warning: Sports follows. You may want to look away if this offends you]
Want to know what it would be like if you were Luke Young in last night's England v Poland match and the ball was sailing over your head for the Poland goal (would you specifically like to know what it would be like if you were also very badly sighted, and were surrounded by less than convincing pixellated representations of all concerned, and the laws of physics were suspended for the day)? Yes? Or did the sentence just confuse you, and you said 'yes' because you were confused, and didn't want to seem rude?

In any case, you should look at this where the BBC represent the exciting moments from last night in glorious Shockwave-o-vision. It isn't actually as bad as all that. It is supremely pointless though. I suppose if you had someone who was scared of football stadiums (a formerly top-flight linesman who witnessed Wayne Rooney getting changed, the trauma of which gave him a breakdown), but was going through counselling, and had to be slowly introduced back to them, but Match of the Day was too upsetting, then I suppose it's of some use. Unlikely though.


  1. On the topic of football, I was somewhat shocked to wake up to Radio 1's sport report in my left ear with FIFA president Sepp Blatter ranting about Rooney's discipline and I quote... "I wouldn't say you have to beat him...but maybe a little".

    WHAT?!!?! Has he heard of human rights? The Geneva Convention? You know Geneva in Switzerland where the FIFA headquarters is? I mean beating your best player...that sounds like the great Souness School of Football Management.

  2. Also pertinent to these discussions is the mechanics of a Blatter-on-Rooney beating.

    here is a picture of Sepp Blatter, readying himself for the rumble by removing his jacket


    here is a picture of Wayne Rooney - Warning: Not for the faint-hearted.

    I would pay money to see this. Half-time entertainment at the World Cup, perhaps?

    Also interesting was Sepp Blatter's revelation that he would be picking the seedings for the World Cup on the basis of the 'inherent manliness' of the squad and the ratio of Gatorade to Lucozade drunk during matches.