Thursday, May 19, 2005

Science, comrades

Finally, conclusive scientific (well, social scienceproof of why Chelsea won the league, Brazil won the World Cup, England won a rugby game, Carlisle beat Stevenage Boro, and why all tennis players and cricket teams down the ages won. I mainly like the name of the quoted academic - he sounds like he's got a never-say-die attitude to his work.

Has anyone bought (or borrowed, or stolen or stood outside a record shop looking at the cover of) the new Ryan Adams album Cold Roses yet? It's brilliant.
That is all. Do some work.


  1. NO, Jim, I haven't heard that album. But I'll tell you what - that Coldplay album Parachutes is well worth a listen. I'd reccomend you buy a copy, in fact it's so good you should get two.

  2. Hmm. Without wishing to turn into a man who's only role in life is to slag off Coldplay, but unfortunately I have heard Parachutes, and it's not an experience I'm in a hurry to repeat I'm afraid. I find the songs generally bland, although some of the singles at least have a good melody, although it would be interesting trying to distinguish one Coldplay song from another in a police lineup. 'Oh yes, Officer, that's the song that assaulted me.' 'Take him away, boys, this sick sonnavabitch is going dahn for a long time.' What gets me though is the vocals are so whiny and the lyrics are so vague. Every line ends in 'yeah' or if he's feeling particularly forthcoming 'oh yeah'.

    Take 'In my place':

    In my place, in my place/
    Were lines that I couldn't change/
    I was lost, oh yeah/
    I was lost, I was lost,/
    Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed,/
    I was lost oh yeah...

    Is that about anything Chris? Could you just as easily have fitted what you had for dinner to the vocal melody for all it mattered to the song? Or would that have been too specific? Perhaps you'd care to answer that in song, Mr Martin:

    Your guess is as good as mine/
    It's as good as mine/
    It's as good as mine/
    It's as good as mine/
    As good as mine/
    As good as mine/
    As good as mine/
    As good as mine/

    Or perhaps he should just go and see his therapist ('Spies'):

    And the spies came out of the water/
    But you're feeling so bad 'cause you know/
    But the spies hide out in every corner/
    You can't touch them no, 'cause they're all spies/
    They're all spies/


    Anyway. I don't like Coldplay. It's a matter of record. Why do people keep bringing it up?

    In order to change the subject, i'll tell you what I do like: cobblers. They're great, great people. If Chris Martin quit music and became a cobbler, I'd forgive him everything.

  3. But knowing our lucky Chris Martin will quit Coldplay, only to join the Beautiful South. Grr.

  4. Didn't I say that was the final word on Coldplay?

    Oh, no, actually, I didn't. I meant to. Anyway, this is the final word on Coldplay: "Bothersome."

  5. I'm going to vomit now. Someone mentioned the beautiful south. BLAAAARKKKGGG.
    Also, I think I just ate some meat because my Ned's Noodles spring rolls taste distinctly meaty (althouth can't be sure, seeing as I've forgotten what meaty tastes like after 16 years). I have been defouled!!!!! I thought they only did veggie spring rolls :(

  6. The BASTARDS! Actually, I had a similar experience last month with a spring roll. They are the most treacherous of foods in my opinion.

    I typed in 'vegetarian spring roll betrayal' into google, but it didn't come up with any other stories of doublecrossery, which leads me to believe that this goes (whisper)all the way up to (shout)THE PRESIDENT!(coughs).