Deadpan Conversations Vol 8

Scene: An Army & Navy-type shop in Victoria. I'm attempting to buy a wooly hat. The shop is all too reminiscent of the military shop in Falling Down with Michael Douglas, where there's a special back-room containing illegal military hardware, Nazi memorabelia and so forth. The guy is just finishing off serving the previous customer.

Shoppy: There you are sir. [hands over shoebox] Your usual size. Will you be taking one pair or two pairs?
Customer: Two, I think.
S: Very good, sir. [Turns to me] And how can I help you?
Me: I'm looking for a wooly hat.
S: Ah, feeling the cold, eh?
Me: Yes, I'm bald.
S: Nothing on top to protect it, eh?
Me: No.

[I feel that we have now established my lack of hair to the satisfaction of both parties, and its place in my desire to buy a hat. I now want to get to the actual hat-buying part.]

Me: Do you have any in grey?
S: Only if you don't wash them.
Me: Hmm. So that's no then?
S: Yes.
Me: Can I have the black one?
S: Solid wool, yes. Good choice.