Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Why I Am a Git

Well, not why exactly. More like How I Am a Git.

Whenever I give out telephone numbers, I give them out as 020 7123 4567, keeping the 020 dialing code separate. Whenever anyone repeats it back to me or has a problem understanding that 020 is the dialling code, and the 7 at the start is part of the actual telephone number, and needs to be dialled, this sort of thing goes on in my head: "0207 is not, I repeat, not the dialling code. Try and dial 123 4567 and see what you get. We've had it for long enough, get used to it, slowcoach. Why am I wasting my time on this person? Argh." As I said, Git.

I could never live in America. I think I'd like to, sometimes, but I'd get mad whenever anyone referred to a band as a singular ("I think Maroon 5 is getting better with every release", although that's a bad example, because although it obeys gramatical rules, it makes no sense, like Chomsky's "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously") instead of as a plural ("Maroon 5 are shit", say). I know it's just the British way of phrasing it, and I shouldn't prickle and get visibly annoyed when I hear or read the American way, but I do, because, as I mentioned, I'm a git. Also, to me the American way makes it sound as though the band is some kind of separate entity in law, like a corporation, rather than the communal group of individuals that the British way makes it sound. But I'm still a git.

I am pschologically incapable of going into a toilet and seeing toilet paper that has been hung incorrectly:

without taking it off and remedying the situation by returning it to the correctly hung paper-outwards position:

It matters not whether I'm at home, in someone else's house, or in a restaurant toilet. This is eccentric, certainly, but the curmudgeonly aspects of the behaviour lend more weight to my central contention that I'm a git. Such a git, in fact, that I'm blinded to the fact that a unicycling captain chimp weilding a cosh is sitting atop my toilet paper in the first example, which anyone else would find terrifying, but I'm more concerned with the hanging of the paper.



  1. you really are a git, because if you hang the toilet paper the other way round poor Mr unicycling captain chimp has to peddle backwards - and that's not easy on a unicycle.

  2. I can't help myself so here goes. Frankly I find anybody that makes an issue out of the fact that the dialling code is 020 rather than 0207 or 0208, so pathetically small minded that I have to restrain myself from hitting their smug, petty, pedantic face until it bleads a lot (and sometimes I am unsuccesful).

    Yes I know that the dialling code is 020 rather than 0207, but 0207 rolls of the tongue and I am pretty sure that there has never been a situation where this has actually resulted in somebody not actually being able to make contact with me on the phone so get over, it OK? Really you people will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes, along with those who push in at bus stops (I mean what do you think we are doing,standing in a line for fun you idiot?).

    Ok rant over, but I am still really, really angry.

  3. I have just realised that my last post actually makes me The Angriest Man in Crouch End! Ha, you have been usurped.

  4. Suspect it also makes you a git, you git.

    For the record, I don't push in at bus stops, so stop trying to link me with the pushers-in. That's like the tories having a party politcal broadcast where Tony Blair's speeches are interspersed with footage from Nazi rallies. I'm ashamed at your low tactics.

    I'll see you in the playground later. Scrap! Scrap! Scrap!

  5. I do the same thing with the toilet paper (and paper towels). Drives me crazy, damn OCD!

  6. Yay. A fellow-traveller! We'll both be up against the wall when the revolution comes. You can be first. That's the gentleman in me.

    How do you do it with paper towels? Your commitment to the cause makes me blush.