Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Deadpan Conversations, vol 9

Student comes into the office, asks to borrow stapler.

Student: That's a nice stapler.
Me: Um-hum.
S: A really nice stapler.
Me: Oh yes.
S: I've got the same stapler.
Me: It really cuts down on the effort involved. [Demonstrates by effortlessly stapling 30-odd sheets of paper together]
S: Yes.
[Both look embarassed at the enjoyment we've gained from office products]



I've recently come under some criticism for not living up to my billing as The Angriest Man in Crouch End. So: Mushrooms are shit; Queen Victoria was a rubbish monarch; Orange is a poor, poor colour; Who'd want thin-slice marmalade - halfwits?; Who makes sellotape that you have to use scissors (or teeth) rather than tearing? How have we come so far, only to suffer from substandard barely functional stickytape; etc.



Oh, and this from the Onion is quite good on the Israeli-Palestinian situation. I remember seeing a large headline on some other site, in The Onion's style, saying:

ONION HEADLINE FUNNIER THAN STORY

It's true, y'know.

2 comments:

  1. This blog can be used as a forum for venting spleen. Also, I've been told that a very therapeutic method is the primal scream technique.

    Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhlllllllbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaah!

    I feel better lredy, lthough the '' key on my keybord hs broken. Dmn.

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  2. I'd contend that MacArthur's resolve, grit and spunk would make her ideally suited to the challenge of attempting to make a big bag of chips. Although I wouldn't want to eat them with all that grit and spunk in there... (c) The Two Ronnies

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