Back to the coalface

I'm back at work tomorrow, which means that under some kind of contractural obligation I have to read my emails and do work and all that stuff. Hmpf. I'll be tied up with deleting and ignoring things all morning. Therefore, I leave you with some of the things I saw on the teletext subtitles of the Yeading vs Newcastle match today. I don't want to denigrate the difficult task of the ceefax typist, but I suspect the guy was an excitable Yeading fan, and was having the greatest day of his life:

AND YEADING HAVE SURVIVED UNTIL HALF TIME: IT'S YEADING MILK, NEWCASTLE MAIL (that was nil-nil)

[THE YEADING GOALKEEPER'S] WELL ON HIS WAY TO WINNING A CAR IF IT GAYS LIKE THAT

AND THE KEEPER IS JUST 45 MINUTES AWAY FROM A CALF (for those who didn't follow the match, and suspect that the keeper was having a tawdry love affair with a cloven-footed animal, the Yeading keeper Preddie was offered a car if he kept a clean sheet. He didn't.)

There were others too at the rate of about two a second, but my memory is like a sieve which mice have been chewing on, and I didn't write them down. I once thought of applying for a job writing the subtitles for TV programmes, in my darkest temping days, tempted by the prospect of watching TV all day, but then I realised that I'd probably have to (as a junior member of the office) do the subtitles to episodes of Oprah Winfrey Interviews Herself and the When Breakfast News Goes Wrong, and plus I can't actually type that fast, the money wasn't so good, and I've got a bit of a problem with accuracy (best summed up by the phrase I utter at least 15 times a day, 'bugger it, it'll do, which, if the stonemasons do their work correctly, will be carved into my gravestone).

Yeading had one or two Stevenage Boro players on their side, and I have something of a vendetta against Alan Shearer (the conception of this is lost in the mists of time, but I must have had a pretty damn good reason for hating him), so I'm saddened by the result, and also the relentless march of predictability. Oh, Monday, couldn't you give me a break once in a while?