The Thoughts of Chairman Bill, Vol 1

Morning.

I can see why communism came about. Quite often, while mulling over some injustice, I'll come up with some scheme based on the "from each according to his abilities; to each according to his needs" principles. This morning's was on the old Monday morning staple: The Weekend. Time, it was explained to me recently, is a relative concept, rather than a constant, and is therefore experienced differently by different people at different times, which goes some way to explaining why some meetings I attend start at 10am and finish at eternity. It's all too common that the weekend feels too short.

A far fairer system than the current one-size-fits-all Two Days to Each approach is needed. In order to fairly judge how someone's experienced their weekend, the following test is Scientifically Waterproof. You have not had your full quotient of weekend if you cannot come to work on Monday morning with 3 (three) anecdotes about what you did. This also has the dual benefit of going some way to negating Monday morning horror, as at least you'll be able to blather on about what you did, which in some cases will take you up to lunchtime having done no work.

Rollover Sundays (the name given to the extra Sunday allocated to those whose weekend was rubbish) will be allocated on a National Lottery-style TV show broadcast on Sunday evening, on all channels, where the names of every citizen will be read out in alphabetical order and a thumbs-up/thumbs-down system will be used. All channels will be needed to get all the names read, BBC1 being allocated surnames Aardvark to Babcock, BBC2 Badger to Bzzzz, and so on. In order to make sure that no-one cheats the system, we would of course need to have a Thought Police with absolute power and an all-encompassing remit to hunt down and punish transgressors and enemies of the system, but I'm sure that went without saying.

So, did everyone have a good weekend?