Friday, January 28, 2005

The Further Adventures of the Deadpan Conversation

A student is just about to leave the office when another member of staff comes in. I introduce them on the scantest of pretexts, because I'm starved of attention, and you can only flick elastic bands at the recycle bin for so long. Before long a connection has been made - a mutual acquaintance.

"Oh, I tried to get her on the phone the other day"
"Nah," replied the student, "she's always ill. Sounds like bloody Darth Vader: Asthma. It isn't politically correct, but, I mean, bloody Darth Vader. [Wheezes dramatically, then looks sheepish, having performed a crude and mocking impression in front of two near-strangers]".

In order to further prolong the embarrassment, I chip in with a phrase guaranteed to lead nowhere, but make both parties ponder further what has just transpired: "Well, at least you've got something in common."

I should become a counselor.

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