Deadpan Conversations With Shop Sales Staff, Vol 5

Scene: WH Smith at Euston Station, on the 29th, pissed off because everything is wrong with Britain and I’m being forced to spend more time in Stockport against my will, the train I’d booked on specifically to avoid spending any further time in Stockport having been cancelled, buying a magazine.

Me: Hi [presents magazine.]
Shop Girl: That’s £2.90. Would you like a special Xmas chocolate, only a pound? [proffers a large Toblerone]
Me: No thanks.
SG: But I’ve already scanned it through!
Me: I said no.
SG: OK, I’ve taken it off. That’s £3.90.
Me: But I said no. The magazine’s £2.90.
SG: Is it?
Me: Yes.
SG: OK, that’s £2.90 then.
Me: Thank you.

I’ve just spent a fortnight on a mainly Toblerone-based diet, so my refusal must be seen in this context. On a happier note, the New Scientist I bought (above) has these puns just on the cover:

• Ladies Who Crunch
• Parasites Lost
• Moss Murder