Friday, December 10, 2004


Having read this post from a few days ago, you'll be familiar with the term 'HOMOPHOBIC INSULTS SOAR'. Good. You're also presumably not my grandparents, then, who came down to take me out for a meal on Tuesday. They came in and sat down, chatted with my housemates, and I thought what a jolly civilised affair it all was, and how they must view me as a successful young man making his mark on the world. What I'd neglected to do before letting them in, was to carry out the necessary 'adult checks' on the house. These include, but are not limited to, tidying up, hoovering, emptying ashtrays, hiding ashtrays, clearing the room of all visible drugs paraphenalia, making an endless supply of tea, coffee and biscuits available, and sending Dan out with £5 to go to the cinema. Also taking down the giant news headline board in the centre of our fireplace proclaiming 'HOMOPHOBIC INSULTS SOAR'.

No wonder they were giving me funny looks all through the meal.


  1. I suspect, I could be wrong - although I very much doubt it, that your grandparents gave you strange looks because you were getting slowly more and more drunk...also because they didn't have the foggiest what the menu in Banners, with it's crazy world food, meant.

    Look a sentence nearly as long as one of Pauls, but with less strange animal metaphors.

  2. It's all fair comment. I'll give you a strange animal metaphor in a minute.

    If you continue to insult esteemed author Paul, his face will go as white as the bits of a zebra that aren't the black bits which are in roughly equal proportion to the white bits, which are the bits that his face will go as white as.

  3. What a truly strange answer - have you been drinking again?

    Work Christmas party tonight - it will all end in tears, although it could be more dangerous I could be going on a Hen night pub crawl with members of a female hockey team....