Philip French Watch, Vol 1

Philip French, the Observer's film critic has a weakness for puns, particularly of the forced kind. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but he generally burys them deep in film reviews. A service I will therefore offer you, the reader, is a digging up and collecting of the best:

This week, I bring you:

School for Seduction stars Kelly Brook as Sophia, a supposedly sophisticated Italian beauty, who brings kohl to Newcastle ...

Last week, he reached new depths in his review of art-porn Anatomy of Love:

At one point, Rocco brings an implement from the garden shed and inserts it in the sleeping Casar's vagina, giving an ugly new meaning to the term a rake's progress.

The subeditor had a hangover while checking last week's column, clearly. This will only egg French on to new heights of depraved pun creation.

At the risk of descending into stalking the poor man, we occasionally get glimpses into the life of PF in his reviews. The review of Merchant of Venice this week starts off, enigmatically enough, with:

A few years ago, I found myself travelling with one of this country's finest younger actresses...

Marvellous. But coquettishly he doesn't go into any more detail. Not one to kiss and tell - a fine upstanding journalist. At other points over his recent career, he's made reference to his upbringing in Liverpool, but these have been far too brief and scarce. It all helps his sense of mystery for me.