Hope You All Had a Happy Wobs

I had a perfectly pleasant one that involved the usual amounts of getting up late, finding out that most of my presents were composed of chocolate and rejoicing in that, drinking from noon, eating too much, wearing a paper hat, going for a jog out of sheer novelty value, competing with my family over who could make the most outrageous comment about the Queen (the winning entry being unpublishable, and the winner currently applying for asylum in France), watching the Will Smith endorsement-whore-a-thon I, Robot, shaving my head completely for the first time (a surprising amount of effort, but less blood that I'd feared), forming a ceilidh band with my father and aunt, and producing a working of Whisky in the Jar that has rather more Latin-jazz whistles, cow-bells and hi-hat than any I've heard, courtesy of my aunt's marvelously retro keyboard and my ceaseless quest for experimentation (coupled with an attention span that can only be measured at the atomic level). In the keyboard stakes, my aunt's still falls into distant second place behind the one currently in my flat that allows us to pretend that we live in a Seinfeld episode via function 66, 'Slap Bass'. To further add to this illusion, I have recently taken to wearing a jacket with jeans, and I own a very white pair of trainers, but modesty prevents me from doing the whole thing too often. Added to my housemates' appalling taste in clothes and haircuts, the illusion would be complete if it weren't for my near pathological aversion to the tucking-in of t-shirts.

Bearing in mind that I'm obviously suffering somekind of withdrawal symptons, I'll leave you with the following links, while I go and brush up on my highly synthesised slap bass technique:

Want to play the apalling bass riff from Seinfeld, but can't bring yourself to listen to it that many times to work it out?

Tell me, source of all wisdom, who composed and played the theme? If you can't give me a full answer, give it your best shot, eh?

What about a site where I can download various audio clips of the Seinfeld show, and a MIDI file of the theme tune giving naffness a whole new sub-definition in the dictionary? Cheers!

Now, I'm not normally one to angle for gifts, but this poster would brighten up any flat, as well as add dignity to its owners.

Nerds, eh? Where would I be without them? Oh, popular and well-adjusted, that's where I'd be.